


Tumblr

by SebStanborn



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Real Person Fiction, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, F/M, I Blame Tumblr, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-10-29
Packaged: 2019-08-09 08:03:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16445975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SebStanborn/pseuds/SebStanborn
Summary: Literally just a series of oneshots based on Tumblr posts I've read.





	1. The Nut Slayer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What you got made fun of in school for?
> 
> I went into American public school for 6th grade and i pierced someone's scrotum with a fencing foil that was missing the little rubber safety tip on the end by accident in the gym and it was middle school so i was promptly nicknamed "The Nut Slayer" and i cried until my parents let me move back to Europe and live with my grandparents
> 
> Nutslayer is a powerful title
> 
> Can you imagine a European person coming to your school for 1 year, stabbing you in the ball sac, then promptly fucking back off to Europe immediately afterwards. can you imagine being the bloke with the stitch in their scrote because of some mysterious foreign spherepuncturer

Boston, Sebastian decides, is dreadful. The worst part, undoubtedly, is school. School, with teachers and homework, bullies and jocks, and Chris fucking Evans. Stupid, pretty, Chris fucking Evans. Stupid, pretty, Chris fucking Evans, who's standing across from him, sword raised and ready to go, grinning like a loon.

"Engarde motherfucker!" He cries, twirling the sword in his hand, laughing as their teacher, Mr Jackson, yells out and chastises him.

"Engarde fuckboi," Sebastian deadpans back, opting to ignore Mr Jackson when he turns his chastising towards him. Chris laughs harder.

"For fuck's sake!" Mr Jackson groans, ignoring Johansson's mocking reprimand, and waves his hand between the two. "Go!"

"Yessir," Sebastian mutters.

"Language!" Chris quickly adds before lunging towards Sebastian, sword pointed right at Sebastian's middle.

Cursing quietly, Sebastian ducks and narrowly misses being hit.

"Go, Chris!" Johansson, Hemsworth and Downey yell.

"Cut that bitch down, Seabass!" Mackie whoops as Winston, Hiddleston and Letitia cheer.

Sebastian huffs, waving to his friends as he spins back around, bringing his sword up in a vicious arch just as Chris spins around and— promptly drops to his knees with a strangled cry.

"Quiet!" Mr Jackson shouts as the gym immediately explodes into noise, sprinting over to where Chris is hunched in on himself. "Motherfucker," Mr Jackson curses. "Someone take him to sickbay, Stan's sliced his dick."

Sebastian feels his cheeks flush red in mortification as the class begins to laugh, Johansson and Hemsworth laughing quietly as they pass him and lift Chris up from where he'd been, Sebastian suddenly realises, cradling his bleeding dick. He can't help but wince when he notices the tiny splotch of red on Chris's sweats.

"Enough!" Mr Jackson snaps. "All of you get your things and head to your last classes."

"Nice moves," he adds quietly to Sebastian as he's pushing his sword, tip stained red, into Mr Jackson's hands. Sebastian's face gets impossibly redder, and he races towards the changing rooms, Mr Jackson laughing behind him.

It's as he's leaving the changing room Downey stops him. "Hey," the shorter boy says, grinning at Sebastian like he's just been handed the best Christmas gift. Sebastian swallows. "Nice job out there. You've got neat moves, kid," Downey says as he extends a hand, tapping each of Sebastian's shoulders as if with a sword. "Nut Slayer," he says seriously before moving away as the other kids around them erupt into laughter and applause.

"Nut Slayer!" They all cheer. Sebastian ducks his head and groans.

 

**\---**

 

The ' _Nut Slayer_ ' spreads. Like fucking wildfire. By the end off the week the entire school is in on it, bowing to him and covering their crotches as they greet him in the halls, passing by, or in the classrooms. Sebastian can't take it anymore.

"New York is so much better," Sebastian's telling his mother. "I only have a year left anyway. I think it'd be a generally good experience for me, especially since I'm planning to move there once I've finished school."

His mother sighs, tapping her phone against her leg. "I suppose," she begins quietly. "It's not that bad of an idea. Your grandmother does need the help."

"All the help," Sebastian nods eagerly. "I really wouldn't mind having to help look after ten cats."

Sebastian's on a plane to New York by the end of the week.

 

**Seven Years Later, In A Manhattan Cafe**

 

Sebastian's swaying to the music, fingers tapping against the coffee machine, when the customer walks in. Yelping in shock, cheeks flushing red in embarrassment, Sebastian darts to the counter and yanks open his flip pad.

"Hey," he greets quietly, eyes fixed on the paper. "What can I get you today."

"Neat moves," the man in front of him laughs. "Uh, can I please get-" the man cuts himself off with a gasp. "Nut Slayer?!"

Sebastian's head jerks up and, to his absolute horror, he sees Chris fucking Evans, matured and handsome and looking hotter than sin, standing in front of him.

"Oh god," Sebastian whimpers. "Oh fuck— I'm so sorry, holy shit, Chris, how are you?!"

Laughing, Chris shakes his head. "I'm good man," he says before quickly moving his hand to cover his crotch. "Just don't come at me with anything pointy again, yeah."

"Oh fuck," Sebastian groans, leaning forward and banging his head on the counter. "I am so unbelievably sorry for that, _la dracu_. I never got to say sorry or see if you were okay, sorry."

"Nah man," Chris waves him off with a laugh. "I had to get a stitch but that was it. A stitch in my dick, thanks for that," he laughs, shaking his head slightly as his expression gets more serious. "You know, I never got to say goodbye. I've always wondered where you'd gone off to. Now I know."

"Now you know," Sebastian says with a light shrug, running a hand through his hair before reaching back and tying it up, feeling suddenly self-conscious. Chris smiles.

"I, uh, never got to ask you this before you left but," Chris chuckles nervously, hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "You wanna go get dinner sometime?"

 _Holy shit_ , Sebastian thinks.

"Holy shit," Sebastian says. "I mean yes, yes I want to go get dinner!"

Chris's grin gets impossibly wider. "Great!" He says, leaning forward and gently taking the pen and pad out of Sebastian's hands before writing on it. "Here's my number, text me when you get off."

"Uh, yeah," Sebastian says breathlessly. "Of course." Chris laughs, leaning forward and giving Sebastian's hand a squeeze before he practically skips out of the cafe. Sebastian stands and stares at the door for a moment before snatching up the paper and shoving it into his pocket with a giddy laugh.

"Snatching up customers now, are we?" Chase asks as he pokes his head around the kitchen door. "Also, hey, did he call you Nut Slayer?"


	2. Bae

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I asked a freshman for a high five today as I walked past him in the hallway and after he gave me one I laced our fingers together and said "we're dating now love u bae" and I don't think I've ever seen a boy look so fearful and confused before in my life.
> 
> Two years later and I still haven't had a single actual conversation with this kid but anytime he sees me in the hallway he goes "hey bae".

"You wouldn't," Wanda says, narrowing her eyes at Natasha.

"Oh yes she would," Peggy laughs and shakes her head.

"Just watch," Natasha says with a smirk as they begin to walk down the hallway, her eyes scanning everyone they walk by until they land on the perfect one walking their way. He's Natasha's year, tall, with long cinnamon hair and startlingly warm ice blue eyes, and is leaning down partially to talk to the small, frail-looking blonde boy by his side.

"Hey!" Natasha calls out, ignoring Wanda's gasp and Peggy's snickers as the boy, James she now recalls, looks up at her. "High five?"

James raises a brow, but lifts his hand nonetheless, a small smirk tugging at his lips. The two brush past, hands smacking together and, at the very last second, threading together, causing James to yank to a halt as Natasha laughs.

"We're dating now," She tells him deadly serious, with an expression Peggy claims could kill a Soviet army, as he spins around to look at her. "Love you Bae," she adds cheerfully before letting go of his hand, laughing at the strangled noise he makes.

"You're wicked," Wanda tells her with a shake of her head.

Natasha just laughs harder.

 

\---

 

Natasha hasn't actually spoken to James for two whole years. They've seen each other in the halls and class, and he'd blow a kiss and call her Bae without fail every time, but they still haven't actually spoken.

It's the end of graduation and she's standing off to the side when she spots him standing not to far away, surrounded by a group of girls, looking flustered.

Snorting, Natasha pushes herself off her tree and walks towards him.

"Hey Bae," she calls with a smirk, his head, along with the group of girls', snapping up to look at her.

"Hey Bae," he nods back with a raise of his brows as she approaches, stopping in front of him with a smirk.

"I was wondering where you were," she says as she wraps a hand around the back of his neck and pulls him into a filthy kiss. The group surrounding gasp and scuttle off with various noises of annoyance.

"So hey," Natasha says conversationally as she pulls back. "I have a reservation for two tonight, but I just can't seem to find anyone to go with."

"Ah," James nods understandingly. "Well, I can think of someone who might be willing to go."


End file.
